New clients, old clients…

There were some things I needed to discuss with the staff nurse at the HIV clinic, and so even though I was not on duty, I still went to the hospital today. Parking, as always, was a nightmare, and by the time I got to the counselling room about 10.10 am, none of the volunteers on duty were there yet. (clinic duty is supposed to start at 10 am)

I went straight to the doctor’s room, saw the nurse, and spoke to her about Shidah’s case. One of the volunteers on duty, my vice-chair, then arrived. The other volunteer on duty, couldn’t make it; and since we were told by the nurse that there were a few new cases to be referred to us, I decided to stay on a while. 2 cases were then referred to us at the same time, and so I took one case and my vice-chair took the other case.

Not long after the 2 cases, SN came in with a lady who looked very familiar.

“Kak, akak tak ingat saya ke?” said the lady to me.

Ahh… no wonder she looked familiar! She may be a new case at Ipoh GH but she had been infected for quite some time already, only thing was before this her appointments were in KL. Remember Zana, the problematic young woman whom I had sent to a shelter home in KL before? Well, this lady referred to us today, Aliza, was an occupant of the same shelter home I had sent Zana to, in fact Aliza was more senior. It was at that home that we met, and Aliza remembered me very well because every time Zana created all sorts of problems at the home, I would be the person they’d contact.

Anyway, Aliza is now out of the shelter home and stays on her own, together with another lady friend from the same shelter home. 2 of Aliza’s 4 children are staying together with them, while the older 2 are at a boarding school, fully sponsored. Aliza and her friend both work as cleaners, and after work, at night, she sells burgers to get more income to support her children. Well, from now on, her children will also be getting help from our Children Education Fund.

When Aliza was in the counselling room, I saw Hana outside. The moment she saw me, she immediately got into the room. I took the opportunity to ask about her children. Her eldest, now waiting for her SPM result, is doing a temporary job. My main concern was Hana’s second daughter. The girl, who initially did well in school, later got worse in her studies and did very bad in her UPSR last year. I had suspected she had been teased in school because of her birth cert which indicated that she didn’t have a father (her eldest sis has a different father and her youngest brother has a different father – but at least they both had “official” fathers). According to Hana, she registered this daughter at a new school for secondary, with new friends altogether, none from her old school, and it seems the girl is more keen to go to school nowadays as compared to before this. I do hope this will continue until she finishes schooling. After all, she now has an IC and so there is no need to show her birth cert to indicate “maklumat bapa tidak diketahui”.

After a short chat with Hana, I decided to leave as well. After all, I wasn’t on duty. There was supposed to be one more new case to be referred, but my vice-chair said he should be able to handle it, so off I went to the doctor’s room to inform them that I was leaving. The nurse then told me that Shidah had just called to ask if from now on it was okay for her to just get her supply of ARV without going for any more appointments. Ahh, obviously, she doesn’t want her in-laws to find out. But still, even to get her supply of ARV, she’d need to go to the hospital, no? What was she expecting? To get me to bring the supply of ARV to her MIL’s house and come out with whatever story on why I was visiting? When the nurse told her she still has to come to the hospital for her appointments, Shidah told the nurse… “Nanti saya kena bincang dulu dengan Kak Afizah.” Duh! Akaaaak jugak?!

Well, Shidah had not called me yet after that, I guess she’s going to wait nearer to the appointment date before she makes that call.

Later in the afternoon, I decided to visit Lin to deliver some of the reference books I got from various donors. Lin has 2 children sitting for their exams this year – her son will be sitting for SPM and her daughter will be sitting for PMR. It had been quite a while since I last visited her family, her children were beginning to wonder if I’d ever be visiting again. When I called, Lin said she was out elsewhere but her eldest daughter was home. The daughter who graduated from a nursing college about a year ago, has been unable to find a related job and is still applying here and there. For the past year, she had been doing temporary jobs here and there, all unrelated to her qualifications, mostly clerical work.

I had quite a long chat with Lin’s daughter. She too seemed quite comfortable opening up to me. I do hope she’ll be able to get a proper job soon.

As for the 2 children who will be sitting for their exams this year, Lin had already arranged for tuition for her form 3 girl, but had not been able to influence the form 5 boy to do the same. Both of them are under sponsorship, so tuition fees shouldn’t be a problem. But according to Lin, the boy doesn’t want tuition because he’s shy. Shy to go for tuition?? But why?!

“Dia kata dia malu sebab dia tak pandai,” said Lin to me. Aiyo, shouldn’t he go for tuition because he is tak pandai??

Hish, macam-macamlah budak-budak ni…

Her problems aren’t over yet…

As I had suspected, Shidah would be at the home of her mother-in-law after the death of her husband. I didn’t dare call her too soon in case I’d end up calling at the wrong time. Staying with her in-laws, she would know better when would be the right time to call me if she needed to.

With her problems of being abused by her husband when he was alive, we would have thought her problems would be over after his death. But apparently her problems aren’t over yet. No, she’s not being abused by her in-laws, but with Shidah keeping too many secrets, she’s living in fear of her secrets being exposed, although personally speaking, I feel some of those secrets should not have been kept a secret in the first place.

Shidah’s in-laws want her to stay with them, as they are afraid she may go back to her old religion (her family aren’t Muslim) if she goes back for good to her country. They told her it would be okay to go back and visit them, but not to go back for good. Frankly, if Shidah does go back to visit her own family, there’s not much her in-laws can do if she doesn’t come back. So really, I have the feeling Shidah herself wants to stay on in Malaysia, it’s just that she doesn’t want to be too controlled by her in-laws. Right now it seems they don’t even allow her to go back temporarily to her rented house in Ipoh. No doubt her husband is no longer around to pay for the rent, but the rental for February had already been paid for until the end of the month, and besides, she needs to pack her things at the rented house. Her MIL told her to wait for her sis-in-law to come back before they go to the house together to pack all the stuff.

I asked Shidah why couldn’t she just tell her in-laws that she misses her daughter from her first husband whom she had left back in her old country. I was surprised to find out that her in-laws are not aware that she has a daughter from a prior marriage. Only her late husband knew that. Surely her in-laws would understand if she wanted to go back and see her daughter whom she had not met since she married her second husband??

Her in-laws, understandably, are also not aware of her HIV status. So, how is she going for her appointments at the hospital without them asking why? I told her to just inform them of whatever other “normal” ailments needing regular check-ups at the hospital, but she said her sis-in-law was the type who’d query every single detail.

I told her to better think of something so as not miss any of her hospital appointments.

Today she called me again. This time she spoke in such a speed that I found it hard to understand her foreign dialect although she was speaking in Malay. It seems her MIL sort of found out about the HIV – not Shidah’s but apparently her late hubby. As far as we knew, Shidah’s late hubby was not infected. He was tested once and after that did not get tested again.

However, apparently one of the MIL’s neighbour works at the hospital, and she was the one who told the MIL that Shidah’s late hubby had been tested for HIV. The MIL confronted Shidah and asked if it was true her son had HIV. The MIL, who knew her son had an affair with another woman, thought he could have got it from that woman. Shidah could have taken the opportunity to open up to her MIL. After all, she had not done anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault she got infected with HIV.

Even if she didn’t want to tell the whole truth, Shidah could have taken the chance to at least say she wasn’t aware of it and that would be a good enough excuse for her to go to the hospital to be tested. But no, she decided to deny every single thing. Now she doesn’t know what story to tell her in-laws when she needs to go to the hospital at the end of the month. And then she asked if I could go over to her MIL’s house and come up with a story to bring her to Ipoh without telling the in-laws that she needed to go to the hospital. In other words, she wanted me to go to meet her in-laws and lie to them.

Whoa woman! I can keep your secrets but please don’t ask me to lie for you. I refused. I told her to find her own excuses if she was not willing to tell them at least part of the truth.

Shidah said she wanted to stay on in Malaysia and asked if I could try find her a job – she didn’t mind if she had to work as a cleaner or something like that. I told her I could ask around, but she herself would need to ask her in-laws for permission if I could find her a job. By the way it sounded, her in-laws (according to Shidah, especially her sis-in-law) wouldn’t let her go anywhere without any one of them accompanying her.

Frankly I don’t think things would be too complicated if Shidah had not decided to keep too many secrets from her in-laws. They aren’t even aware about her child from her previous marriage??

What now?

It was still dark outside this morning, not even 7 am when I heard the Mission Impossible ringtone on my handphone. Calls THAT early usually brings bad news, and with the PLHIV-assigned MI ringtone, I was hoping it wasn’t the kind of emergencies that required me to go out anywhere to get the problem settled. I took a look at my phone screen and saw Shidah’s name appearing. Remember Shidah? The foreigner married to a Malaysian and who used to be abused by her husband? You can read about her here.

Due to the problems with her husband, I never call Shidah for I wouldn’t know when would be the right time to call. It had always been Shidah calling me, and I noticed most of the calls were either between 10 am to 1 pm or between 2 pm to 3 pm, Her husband would be out working during that time.

So when she called so early this morning, my mind began to wander. Did she get beaten up again? Was she calling to seek help to run away from home? If so, what was I going to do to safeguard myself from any complications?

As I answered the call, I heard Shidah sobbing away.

“Kakak! Suami saya dah meninggal kak!”

As far as I knew, the husband didn’t have any illnesses. Shidah’s the one who had been infected with HIV by her first husband back in her own country. Shidah was the one who had to go for hospital appointments. Her husband would just send her to the hospital and then fetch her after her appointments. The hospital was the only place where I could really talk to Shidah.

I asked Shidah what actually happened to the husband. According to her, yesterday evening, the husband suddenly fainted and was somehow sent to the hospital. And this morning he passed away. I didn’t ask Shidah any further. It was already difficult understanding her Pattani accent, with her sobbing away it was even more difficult to understand. So I told her I’d call her later. I knew her husband had family members around Ipoh, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for Shidah. The husband’s family should be helping out with the funeral arrangements.

So I went out gardening as usual, and when I got in, I noticed a missed call from Shidah, about an hour after her first call. I called her back. She was still crying. I asked if the necessary arrangements had been made. She told me she didn’t know what to do. Her in-laws were not there yet. After confirming with her that her in-laws had indeed been notified and that they told her they were coming, I told Shidah to just wait for them to arrive, and that if after some time they were still not there yet, to call me again. Her in-laws do not know heads or tails who I am and as far as they were concerned Shidah didn’t have any friends in Malaysia. I didn’t want to make an appearance and make them curious as to who I was.

Shidah didn’t call me after that. So I guess the in-laws did turn up at the hospital to make all the necessary funeral arrangements.

So, what now for Shidah? Will she continue staying here in Malaysia? She doesn’t have any children with this husband, only one child from her first marriage back in her own country. She hasn’t met her child ever since she married her second husband and moved to Malaysia.

In other words, she doesn’t have anybody here now except her in-laws. Logically, probably the next course of action for her is to go back to her country and be back with her own family, especially her child. But as far as I know, her husband never gave her cash. Any needs, her husband would bring her out with him and he’d pay.

So, does Shidah have any money to go home? And if she does go home, when should she do so? After her iddah? Or before? Will she get her rights to her late husband’s properties, if any? Or will her in-laws deny her of her rights?

I’d need to talk to Shidah to find out further, but I don’t want to be calling her too early. Right now I don’t know where she is… is she alone at the house where she had been staying with her husband… or is she at her mother-in-law’s home? I don’t want to be calling her at the wrong time. I don’t want her in-laws to become curious.

Whatever it is, I’m sure Shidah herself will be calling me soon if I don’t call her earlier.

 

The children…

Knowing that this was going to be a long weekend, I figured Azman would surely want to go home rather than stay at his hostel in Ipoh. I purposely postponed my monthly grocery delivery to Sofie’s home to Friday, and asked Azman if he wanted to come along with me in my car instead of taking the bus. Azman at first agreed, but he said he’d confirm later until he was sure there’d be no other programmes on Friday afternoon. There was no class that afternoon, but he wasn’t sure if there were any other programmes arranged.

By about 12 noon, Azman informed me that he wanted to stay back for a group discussion and that he’d go home on his own on Saturday. Too bad. But it was good to note that Azman decided to stay back for the group discussion. Back then when he was in school, he’d find every excuse he could to escape anything to do with studies.

So after getting this month’s supply of groceries for Sofie’s family, off I went to her house, alone without Azman. As I got to her house, I noticed the windows were closed and the door was locked. There wasn’t anyone home. But the day before I did inform Sofie that I’d be coming, and if she was going somewhere, she would have informed me that nobody would be home. So where did everybody go?

I decided to call Sofie. Got the answering machine instead. Tried again. Same thing. Decided to try one last time before giving up and head home (with groceries all still in the car) – luckily the 3rd call went through. Sofie was at the hospital. The line wasn’t too clear and I couldn’t really hear the details. I thought it was Sofie herself who was warded. Given her condition, I wasn’t surprised.

It wasn’t visiting hours, and the “special pass” I have is only valid at Ipoh GH, so I told Sofie to get Saiful, her son, who was also there at the hospital, to wait for me outside. It only took me about 5 minutes to drive from Sofie’s house to the hospital, and as I parked my car, I saw Saiful walking towards me. Then I saw Sofie sitting down on the steps near the corridor, looking very much like a patient, except she wasn’t in hospital clothes. Besides, what was she doing outside of the ward if she was the one who had to be admitted?

I then found out that the one who got admitted was Ika, Sofie’s youngest child. Apparently on Thursday while the girl was in school, her teacher called Sofie to inform her to fetch Ika from school as the girl had high fever. Sofie went to fetch her daughter and immediately brought her to the hospital to see a doctor, thinking that after getting proper check-up and needful medication, they could go home. But the doctor decided to admit her to the ward for further tests. It seemed the girl’s tonsils were getting bad.

Sofie told me that Ika was happy when she found out I was coming. So, although it wasn’t visiting hours, I went in with Sofie and Saiful. The guard did stop me at first, but let me in when Sofie told him that I was from an NGO in Ipoh Hospital.

When I got to Ika’s bed, at first she pretended she was sleeping. “Alah, tipu je tu,” said Saiful. Immediately Ika just got up and laughed. She looked cheerful. Her mother, with lack of sleep, looked more like a patient than the patient herself!

I didn’t stay long at the hospital. I just got Saiful to follow me back to the house so I could unload all the groceries in my car, and after that I sent Saiful back to the hospital.

Both Sofie and Saiful spent the night at the hospital. Sofie’s eldest, Azlan, who now has a temporary job at a small factory nearby was outstation delivering the factory’s products. Usually the hospital wouldn’t allow 2 people to spend the night at the hospital looking after one patient, but in this case, they allowed Saiful as well. Although the boy is already in form 2, he is small sized and a scaredy-cat. If he was not allowed to sleep at the hospital, and with his eldest brother outstation, he would have to spend the night alone at home. But there shouldn’t be any problem on Saturday once Azman got home.

Hopefully Ika would be discharged soon. I was told she may need to undergo a minor op for her tonsils, and that it may need to be done in Ipoh GH as the district hospital didn’t have the necessary facilities for such treatment.

I just hope the fragile looking Sofie herself would be strong enough to take care of her children…

The short break over the weekend

After last year’s canopy walk at FRIM, Kepong, I purposely planned for the next break (my kind of break, that is) to be held some time end of January 2012, so I could be sure that I would have settled all the children’s schooling matters. My kind of break is not staying home doing nothing (I don’t need proper planning to do that) but more of those activities with the adrenalin rush.

So yes, last weekend I got that break. On Saturday, it was more of a leisure visit to Gunung Lang Recreational Park in Ipoh, with just 3 of my friends. Despite being an Ipoh gal, I had never visited the place before. It is indeed a beautiful place…

 

If would have been better if the place was better maintained, but nevertheless, it was still worth the visit.

I was actually more excited about my Sunday plans. What started off with just about 10 people joining, ended up with more and more people wanting to join. In the end I had to organise the one day adventure for 36 people – mostly members of my school alumni, the rest either family members or friends. And out of the 36, there were only 5 males… either the husbands or the children.

I told everyone to be punctual and be at the Gua Tempurung by 9.15 am – ALL made it there BEFORE 9.15 am. Either they obeyed my instructions… or they were just as excited as I was! We parked our cars there and the tour operators transferred us to the location of our activities in a convertible. Yep, a convertible. This one…

Okay, okay, it was a lorry. The lorry ride was an adventure by itself – us having to avoid branches and leaves along the way. The following picture would probably better explain the ride…

The real first adventure was at the waterfall. Yeah, we were there for the waterfall abseiling. It wasn’t just my first time doing the abseil, but also my first time ever wearing a harness! We were to abseil down about 15 meters of the waterfall…

 

Wooo… how exciting!

 Yep, that’s me in this pic!

We had lunch by the river, and then I did another first for myself. I did my zohor prayer by the riverside. The rest, mostly from KL could do their jamak, but me being an Ipoh gal, couldn’t, so I just did what I had to do…

After lunch, again we got onto a lorry to be transferred to the starting point of our second activity for the day – white water rafting! Again, a first for me. And I simply loved all 7 kms of the ride – going through more than 10 rapids from class 2 to 3. It was FUN, FUN, FUN all the way!

Can you tell which one is me? Except for the guide, we all looked the same, didn’t we?

Cool, huh? I could still feel the excitement until today – to the extent that I almost forgot today’s Tuesday and there’s a board meeting tonight! Haiyo, Madam Chair mana boleh lupa!!!

Back to work, woman!!